Motives

There are a lot more factors in my decision-making process now than when I was younger. I now have the fingers of a crowd of obligations, responsibilities, personal desires, and notions of political correctness tapping on my back every time I move to make a decision. Children speak and act selfishly...and honestly. When they give feet and hands to their emotions, their actions are fueled by a relatively pure set of motives, even if the scope of the motives fits a world with a smaller diameter. And now, though my deepest desire is to first and foremost allow God's truth and love to flow from my life, so much of my output seems to be a product of an inner dialogue question: "which of my responses would be viewed as most proper and least offensive?". Not that analysis is bad, but it feels like virtually every decision nowadays is squeezed through a cold and unemotional propriety factory, and a neatly packaged but ultimately bland little solution comes out of the other end. My desires are pretty squelched, in the name of selflessness. Granted, selflessness should be one of the characteristics of a life enthralled by the person of Jesus; but feelings of bitterness or resentment should defnitely not be lingering anywhere nearby. So I continue to realize how much I suck at letting God take me over. I'm still trying to make myself change, instead of letting His life and righteousness be mine.
At the end of the day, I'm still a sinner who is learning immense lessons from my own children.